CFN – Bullying.
bul·ly
1 [boo
l-ee] noun, plural -lies,verb, -lied, -ly·ing, adjective, interjection
noun1.a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habituallybadgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.
I could have been Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Tyler Clementi or any of the other teens that recently ended their young, precious lives. I grew up in the 1970s when being gay was still considered to be a mental illness by some. I would go to sleep hoping not to wake up, simply because I liked men. While much has changed over the last 30 years, feelings of isolation remain, much of it brought on by peers.
Like those boys and so many others, I was bullied in school. I guess my locker had some pheromone that attracted people that hated people that were somewhat different, because in the first week of 7th grade a kid scraped the word “fag” on my locker with something sharp like a pocket knife or a nail. Even though I could only see that word when I fumbled with the combination, the sadness and loneliness that the word made me feel lingered in the back of my mind every day of those horrific three years, a feeling that continued until I finally came out publicly on television in 1993. This one act and other daily forms of abuse by my classmates changed my life and my ability to learn and participate in friendships and relationships. The fear that I had because I was different was so strong it convinced me not to attend college; I was not prepared for what the repercussions might be if people knew I was gay.
When I was in my 30s and starting to act, I was completely guarded with my secret, convinced I had to suppress it and pretend it was non-existent. It was so detrimental to me that I only wanted to be with other “professional” actors, where I felt safe. Where I knew that as long as I was in this box of mine, life was going to be safer. “Just DON’T be yourself.” That’s what I believed and in doing so, I missed so many potential experiences and relationships that I will never know what could have been.
I regret not having the experience of going though the same things at the same time as my peers. Folks often say, “You can go to college now.” Of course, it wouldn’t be the same. I often travel to universities to do stand-up or lecture, and I learn so much just being around students, faculty and members of gay-straight alliances. Recently, after a performance, I had a good cry when I was back in my hotel because I had been in the presence of these students who are not afraid of being out and accepting who they are. It impressed me immensely.
When I was 21, I made a call to a suicide prevention lifeline because I realized I needed help. I was starting to have thoughts of suicide and I needed someone to stop me, to save my life. I began seeing a counselor after that, who I knew kept everything confidential, but even with my back to her chair, I sat there and lied that I was bi-sexual, uncomfortable to even speak the truth to a professional. It was too hard and I was afraid for my life.
Career-wise, I wanted to be an actor while some in the industry would say I was “too light in the loafers.” Memories of all these kids who beat me up and humiliated me all through school came back to me repeatedly in my early years of pursuing my career. Being afraid of people and re-learning how to trust them is a daily reminder of where and how far I have come.
Now I am an actor, a comedian and an advocate for equality. I have been able to get past my childhood and work in my chosen profession. I also have been able to give back to my community by being chair of the Screen Actors Guild National LGBT Actors Committee and a mentor for LifeWorks, which supports LGBTQ youth between the ages of 12-24. I have also produced and performed in a comedy benefit for the past five years to raise money for these kids and to show them there is hope out there.
Doing service for others and accepting the support of others has been my way of healing. I have been able to overcome my feelings of not being “enough.” I came to realize that the thoughts in my head are just that and can go out as easily as they entered those many years ago. I can create a new life story by which to live my life. It’s 2010 and I don’t have to be that kid in the 1970s who was abused and suicidal anymore. I often wish I could take that kid by the hand and show him the life I have now and tell him, “It will get better. I’m someone. Someone with a life and someone that matters. Just like you do.”
Jason Stuart – Los Angeles California
Of course there are all forms of Bullying and to me Bullying is the end result of many things; most of which stem from fear, aggression, and what many call “the wolfpack” or “gang” because Bullies themselves tend to have been the victims of bullying; and only gain strength from the support of their groups and of course the silence of victims and bystanders.
These Cliques have to be smashed. The only way to end the cycle of bullying prevalent in our society is to end it; and that won’t be easy.
There are many more sad stories out there. The names above are just a small portion of the victims from 2011. There are no easy solutions either; but we’re going to try and examine some.
It’s funny. When I shared that I was starting this series there was some interesting local reaction. A local photographer I’d asked to help and claimed he had no time decided to create his own Anti-Bullying project and another local paper did a front page spread!
It’s great to see how we can inspire others for a good and grave cause.
What we also will be doing is selling the t-shirts modeled by Ashley. Proceeds are being shared out to the artist; John Lister, and we are will also be donating $1.00 per shirt to the local Big Brothers and Big Sisters for this first one as they are Ashley’s Charity of Choice, and we may branch out to other charities with the next round.
They are available locally at Island Ink Jet – 8 3rd Street West in Cornwall Ontario – corner of Pitt Street across from the Royal Bank.
This first batch of shirts is available in XL in either black or white. We are securing another supplier and will be hoping to offer ladies shirts as well as other options. You can can also place your order at the Island Ink Jet store if you need other sizes.
If you purchase a shirt and would like to share about your own experiences with gangs and bullies we would be happy to shoot some video and share it with our views.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aZ8fwBZTbY
And also from Ashley:
Bullying does not only affect someone’s childhood, it can follow them all threw there lives. Ultimatley it can affect the outcome of there future. That does not tend to manifest threw our minds when making fun of, or bullying someone.
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The guilt and regret that comes with bullying can eat at you and make you feel terrible about your actions..
Being bullied is a sad, confusing and almost an embarassing feeling. It can make you feel you feel so small and powerless.
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Speaking up and reaching out to others about bullying does not show any weakness, it infact shows strength and courage.
If we can help one victim of bullying smile like Ashley as in the picture above then this series will be worth it. If you wish you can comment below or contact us at info@cornwallfreenews.com or call our hotline at 613 361 1755
Over the next month leading to February 23rd Anti-Bullying Day we will cover a lot of ground from what makes Bullies tick to how adults in business and politics bully each other and old habits percolate into our daily lives.
I know I’m learning a lot and I hope we can share our experiences with each other and help make our homes, towns, schools, and cities a better place.
You can also access some services out there.
www.kidshelpphone.ca 1 800 668 6868
Jamie Gilcig – Editor – The Cornwall Free News
Special thanks to Jeff Brunet of Alkaline Entertainment for sponsoring the first batch of shirts!
According to the above definition of a bully, each one of us has a built in bully called a conscience. The conscience is a God given warning light. That’s right a red warning light that warns us that one is violating God’s moral code written upon each of our hearts. Yes, we are created by God for God, and thus a built in bully, judge, arbitrator.
Also the Bible speaks of what is called a Holy Spirit generated type bully called conviction of sin leading to repentance. The inward conscience can become more corrupted by misinformation and thereby become “seared” which means the heart is fortified against the Truth, and has abandoned oneself to lawlessness, but all is not lost. God Holy Spirit using God’s inspired Word can, and does break in upon a seared conscience, and awakens to their guilt and liability before a thrice Holy God.
This conviction of sin is not based upon false guilt, as used in psychology, but such guilt is realized as one stands before God as one’s Lawgiver and Maker, and now is made to answer for one’s sins. While under conviction of sin, God is personally calling the sinner to repent of one’s lawlessness, one’s acts of sin, and one’s chosen wicked life styles. It is either repent and turn or burn!
So when that little red warning light goes off next time, don’t try to unplug it by abandoning yourself to more lawlessness. Only God can turn off as it were this little red light, first by giving you peace in believing on Christ – forgiveness of sins, and new life in Christ, or secondly He can turn it off, and allow you to crash and burn! God will not be mocked! Luke13:3 “I tell you (God Himself), Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish”.
Conviction of sin occurs when one is faced with the Word of God. We should not abandoned the Word of God and allow our consciences to be further seared, such will bring certain destruction and will spend the rest of eternity being bullied by the bully of them all – the Devil.
(EDITED)
Strange that a publication would start an anti-bullying initiative and at the same time, let the preacher set up his bully-pulpit and preach the very garbage it claims to abhor. Fundamentalist religious groups are front and center in the fight against anti-bullying programs in schools throughout North America. Bullying is the reason for their existence.
Now Furtz please stop putting me in the position of defending Tom. What he just posted was a position directly related to the topic in his own scriptic fashion.
admin: The preacher’s post is very damaging to the discussion of a topic so sensitive and important as bullying. His rant – or what I take to be the gist of it – sounds grossly insulting to Jason Stuart and his experience of bullying, and by extension to all who experience bullying. The quote from St.Paul to the Romans included. Saul/St.Paul’s blind spots make him at best a shaky model for human compassion and understanding. His take on being gay, male or female, is prehistoric, and anyone who adopts it today is wilfully ignorant about human physiology, and culpably intolerant.
Hi PJ, I have no problem with what you’re saying and would concur; but do we silence voices of content? Do we draw the lines of what’s acceptable or do we let society?
Sometimes, not focusing on this specific example, I let a comment go through that’s fuzzy so that it can be challenged. Not so much who is posting it, but the content.
Personally I feel most of the damage done by bullies and cliques occurs in the shadows. It’s hard to get them to come out of the dark so that they can be shown to be what and who they are.
Does that make any sense to you?
This is the only “progressive” web site that I know of that regularly allows hate speech in the comments. Hate disguised as religious preaching is hate none the less.
admin: You are the editor, the moderator, the judge of what is acceptable as a post. I’m saying that coming from one who is looked up to as a figure of authority in society, the preacher’s post is grossly irresponsible and hurtful…if not outright hateful.
Where does one draw the line between intolerance and hate? I think Furtz has it right, “Hate disguised as religious preaching is hate the none the less.”
In which case, your call whether or not you allow hate speech on CFN.
To lighten this discussion, remember Vaclav Havel’s words: “Truth and love must prevail over hatred and lies.”
Furtz – by what source of authority do you come up with your definition of hate speech? Supreme Court, present legislation, or what – what source? Or is it just thus sayeth Furzt? The definition of hate speech is so broad that even the Supreme court of Canada can’t come up with an answer, so don’t speak of this being hate speech, or that being hate speech, or being intolerance, when it just your opinion and according to your standard. Who died and left you to be God?
John 8:31-36 “Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. They answered him, We be Abraham’s seed, and were never in bondage to any man: how sayest thou, Ye shall be made free? Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin. And the servant abideth not in the house for ever: but the Son abideth ever. If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed”
Jamie, I have no interest in arguing with a filthy low-life hate-monger. I’m out of here.
Good luck with your anti-bullying efforts.
Over and out.
Wise move, Furtz. A shame, though, to say the least, that a couple of bullying posts should kill a discussion of bullying.
PJ Robertson writes – “couple of bullying posts”.
So PJ, just like I asked Furtz, I ask you -“by what source of authority do you come up with your definition of hate speech? Supreme Court, present legislation, or what – what source? Or is it just thus sayeth PJ Robertson? The definition of hate speech is so broad that even the Supreme court of Canada can’t come up with an answer, so don’t speak of this being hate speech, or that being hate speech, or being intolerance, when it just your opinion and according to your standard”.
a bully -“overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people”. Is that what I did by asking Furtz his source of information? Or was it the quoting of a few Bible verses that you hate so much?
Your political correctness is nauseating. Is it any contrary opinion or thought that does fallen line with your political correctness you cry “bully”? What a cop out!
If God is so powerful and great then why doesn’t he just eliminate the devil…..because he doesn’t exist and either does God!
I am an atheist and I am sorry but believing in Jesus makes me feel like a 13 year boy believing in Santa Clause!
There are too many descripencies between religions and their leaders. Just because its in writing doesn’t make it true and these religious leaders are bigger bullies then any other group alive. Heck, I am sure I will cast to hell by the preacher for my comments!
You are not a good person because of your christian values you are a good person because you naturally know the difference between right and wrong! You don’t the ten commandments you need one thing told to you when you are growing up and it is :
“Don’t be an a$$!”
Whatever makes you happy and live a “GOOD” life is all you need! I don’t dislike anyone who believes in God but don’t give me quotes from the bible or tell me about God! We are talking about NOT forcing our beliefs upon others and my “Holy Spirit” tells me that we need a little less fiction!
P.S. – I would like religion a lot more if it started giving me money instead of asking me and everyone I know for handouts….lol!
Is this story about bullying or religious dogma? I am never offended by the Pastor’s comments because I never read them. You are the only person responsible for taking offense to a statement. If you don’t like it don’t read it. If he is not talking about you personally then chill out.
You will appear to be the stronger person….. if that is your concern.
Fair enough, Reg. However, two points to consider here:
1. An important topic, bullying, was hijacked at the outset by the first post of a bully deploying religious dogma to attack a certain section of society.
2. You say, “If he is not talking about you personally then chill out.” What was the preacher’s last post if not a gratuitous personal attack?
CFN is going to lose out on thoughtful debate, if it continues to accept vicious posts from angry, demonstrably ignorant and incoherent posters.
We seem to have a lot of angry posts here.
One last word, if I may, before starting my self imposed permanent ban.
Reg. To ignore hate-speech is to condone it. Damn right people get angry when they hear or read it. There are reasons why bullying has become such a wide-spread and profound problem, and your attitude re hate-speech is one of them.
Jamie. As moderator of this site, you have failed badly. Enabling hate-speech is even worse than merely condoning it, as Reg does. It really makes me wonder what your motives are for jumping on the anti-bullying bandwagon. Constantly allowing the preacher to post his anti-gay diatribes on your site goes completely against your supposed goal of eliminating bullying.
Preacher. If there is an all-powerful loving god as you claim, you would have been struck dumb years ago.
Furtz this would be your 3rd or 4th self imposed ban. Frankly I think your own “hate” of Tom is causing it. You are of course entitled to your opinion. My belief in Free Speech stands. And yes, we can’t only protect those opinions we agree with.
Tom posted a direct and related response to this thread. He added something that probably wasn’t as germane as it should be; but I don’t grade comments. That it upset you is unfortunate; but your choice of response in the end is something I really think wasn’t worthy of your historical posting habits.
Again, you put me in a position of having to defend Tom.
Sorry, Jamie and Reg. Furtz has it right.
Freedom of speech doesn’t mean that you are free to give voice to hate, to hurt, to gratuitously attack, bully or insult.
Your anti-bullying series was hijacked at the start by an insulting, bullying, hurtful post grounded in ignorance masquerading as religious authority. Where’s the justice in defending either the post or its poster?
PJ it’s not up to me to determine hate. It’s the courts of the land and even they I’m not sure have it right. I also believe in EXPOSING hate. The best way to do that is the the light. And frankly there are ways to condone and discredit what we perceive to be hate speech.
Just lashing out at Tom actually gains him sympathy and support.
We’ll have to agree to disagree on this one.
What’s the point of moderating, then?
As to “lashing out”, hasn’t the preacher cornered the market in that? Or nearly…I can think of another obnoxious poster beginning with ‘s’.
PJ, my preference to moderation is minimal to none. That puts the responsibility on the poster. Is being obnoxious the criteria for moderation? My limits are very simple. Nothing litigious; nothing profane. We are here to inform and entertain.
Again, why is it so hard to simply ignore someone personally if you disdain them? Or if you’re going to respond to someone respond to the idea instead of the person?
When Tom is attacked in this manner you give him power to which he isn’t worthy.
admin: For the record, if you read the posts above, you will see I neither attacked nor do I have any interest in attacking the preacher. That, first, it was HIS vile attack on gays that I took issue with. That, secondly, it was he who attacked me personally and gratuitously.
If moderation includes defending the indefensible, goodbye.
The Preacher is a dangerous man with his religious cut and paste tactics taken from his version of his edition of the bible. I agree with PJ that what the Preacher quotes is hate based and definitely bullying of those who disagree with his cut and pastes. Many wars are based on different interpretations of sopposed writings of some higher power. He is a bully. He is not entertaining … if you want entertainment then watch the comedy channel where they actually warn us about the content.
I’ve been “lurking” on this site for a few months now. It’s pretty obvious to me that the administrator/owner/ moderator is a member of the Calvary Baptist Church. No legitimate web site would allow hate speech to be posted with such regularity.
I personally always enjoy this web-site and find it entertaining even though it can get very personal “if you let it”….remember Jamie/Admin isn’t posting these comments we are!
However, I think people in this post have a point! Preacher continuously attacks people in the media and this article is about eliminating bullying yet “Preacher just posted a comment that seems to do exactly what you is defined above on this very site:
“bul·ly
1.a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habituallybadgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.”
I didn’t see preacher as being a bully, at first, but I after reading the definition again doesn’t his seem to be bullying? I would think so!
Jamie, you seem to have painted yourself into a corner with this one.
Everyone who reads CFN knows you’re against bullying, and that you’ve always actively supported free speech.
Well, now’s the time to do something concrete to stop the bullying, rather than just writing about it or selling T-Shirts. You have the opportunity to do something that the rest only wish we could, but we don’t have a delete key for Newton’s rants. You do.
“Pastor” Tom needs to be banned from this website, because it gives him the audience he craves. If he wants to incite hatred, let him do it from his own pathetic little website and in his own pathetic so-called church. Not publishing his hatred has nothing to do with taking away his right to say what he thinks, but it does make it harder for him to incite people to hate others in the name of God.
He takes advantage of “free speech” to promulgate his loathing, and with his self-professed title of “Pastor” he tries to create the moral authority to tell people what is right and wrong.
He goes after young gay teens, trying to persuade them that they are worthless. Perhaps 15-year-old Jamie Hubley of Ottawa, and 14-year-old Jamey Rodemeyer of Buffalo might still be alive and happy if people like him didn’t use their “authority” to persuade others to hate and condemn them.
He’s a cunning one, the Pastor. He won’t actually do anything himself, because he’s too smart and he’s probably got a bible quote to prove it. But like his hero Saul, he’ll cheerfully hold the coats for the ones who do his dirty work, all the time keeping his own hands clean.
This isn’t a question of defending free speech. People who want to say something badly enough will usually find a way to do so. However, free speech does not include the right to promote discrimination against any minority any more than it gives someone the right to shout “fire” in a crowded theatre.
Would we allow someone who’s mentally deranged to walk around the streets of Cornwall threatening people with a loaded gun? Of course not, we’d take cover and call the police.
Cornwall Free News has become the “Pastor’s” weapon. You wouldn’t allow someone to post anti-black sentiments and use the “N” word. You’d delete the comment. If someone tried to deny the holocaust, you’d delete them too, rightly and legally. So do the right thing, Jamie. Disarm the bully. Set an example to others.
Martin Niemöller (he was a *real* Pastor) said it well:
First they came for the communists,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a Jew.
Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn’t speak out because I was Protestant.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left to speak out for me.
EDITED
This is all so sad as well as ironic, that this conversation even has to take place in the comments section of an article that deals with the problem of bullying. Unfortunately, it seems that Jamie has made up his mind to allow the preacher to continue bullying and spreading hate on his site. It makes a sick joke of the original story. I am glad to see that there are a few others, far more articulate than I, who agree with me. I’m also glad that there are plenty of other well moderated (preacher free) sites where ideas can be exchanged in a far less toxic atmosphere. I encourage everyone to check them out, and check out of this one.
Furtz as you can see by your post above I support free speech even if what you typed is a form of passive aggressive bullying. I wish you the best and thank you for your contributions to CFN in the past.
And Furtz your John Milnes disease is not flattering.
“And Furtz your John Milnes disease is not flattering.”
Huh? OK, whatever.
Bye
I miss the posts from Mr. John Milnes, didn’t always agree, but respect him for his points of view.
Richard K”s addition of the of the First they came for the communists saying (warning) needs to propel people towards helping make society better, as a group.
I am looking forward to reading more on this issue and causes since it is a long time since I dealt with a bully. Back then you could stand your ground and deliver a blow or chop that most times would stop a next time from happening. Of course violence is not the answer, but some self defence moves would help a few and schools suspending both parties does not address the issue.
I see that the most offensive part of Pastor Newton’s first post has been edited out. Why would that be necessary on a site that is dedicated to free speech?
I see why Mr.Richard Komorowski did not get edited – he pays the bills. It is all about who pays the bills – right! Free speech can be bought and paid for on CFN. Should of known!
No Tom. It’s not about bills or money.
Just as an observer, it appears to me that the hate speech was edited out of Pastor Newton’s post because so many people strongly objected to it. Much like closing the barn door after the horses escape. Lots of unnecessary anger and hurt feelings all caused by single post. To me looks like Pastor Newton is the poison, and publishing his comments is drinking that poison. I would like to know Ashley Gaudet’s and Jason Stuart’s thoughts after they read a full and unedited transcript of all the comments. Would that be possible?
This entire thread is pointless, and should be edited….
That’s right Jamie. It’s not about bills or money. It’s about common decency and blocking hate-speech, neither of which are high priorities for you. Carry on.
Just a heads up Jamie. Because you chose to sh!t on me on this forum and in private emails, I will be spending a bit of time over the next few day contacting the businesses that are advertised on your site. My question to them will be simple and something like this. Why would you want your business advertised on, or associated with a publication or website that regularly publishes and defends hate speech? There are hundreds of cached preacher posts for them to read. It will be interesting to hear their responses.
And that Furtz is why you are as dangerous if not more dangerous than Tom. I’ve been asked about why I’ve allowed certain posts to be on the site and there are never any easy answers.
Bullying is manifested in many ways. There’s someone holding a fist over your head and then there is what you just posted. IE: If you don’t agree with me and do what I say I will try and hurt you any way I can.
Those are your words above exposing your beliefs. This is what we hope to expose and discuss in our anti-bullying series; how systemic bullying has become in our culture.
We cannot ask children to behave in a certain fashion when their parents and grand-parents behave in that fashion.
It appears that Pastor Newton’s original unedited anti-gay comment offended Furtz, as it would anybody concerned with bullying issues. Unfortunately, because his objections were treated with such disdain by the administrator, the anger level escalated sharply. Other commenters, including myself agreed strongly with Furtz that hurtful or hateful speech should not be tolerated, especially on a site that claims to be concerned about our widespread bullying problem. It’s a shame, really, because this site will soon not attract any intelligent and thoughtful people if it continues to publish and defend hate speech. Just my two cents.
Wow! This is a discussion gone wrong.
That first comment must have been nasty.