Cornwall ON – Whenever I meet someone new, my Dad always asks them to introduce themselves properly, by letting me sniff the back of their hand, so I know it’s OK for them to go ahead and pet me. So as this is the first column I’ve ever written, maybe I should introduce myself to all of you.

My name’s Boromir, although Mum and Dad usually call me Bo. I’m a St. Bernard, and for some reason everyone wants to call me Beethoven. My Dad once told me that Beethoven was a dog just like me, and he starred in a movie which everyone liked. I hope they’ll get the movie one day, so I can watch it.

My Mum is a really strange person (but you have to remember, she is human, not a dog like me). She likes to use the Internet, and she likes to watch TV. The stuff she watches on TV is really boring – stuff like CSI – Miami, the Simpsons, and those endless reality shows where all the humans there keep just repeating themselves and blaming everyone else. But there’s one program that we really like, and me, Mum and Dad watch it all the time. I can really relate to this program, because there’re lots of dogs as well as people, and this one totally cool guy called Brad Pattison, who really knows how to communicate with us dogs. He’s also really good at teaching other dogs how to communicate with our humans, so we can all live together happily. The program’s called “At the End of my Leash”, and it’s on every week on the Slice channel.

Anyway, one day last May, Mum was sitting at the computer, doing whatever she does on there, when suddenly, she says: “Boromir, how would you like to take Dad to Ottawa to meet Brad Pattison?”

“Wow! Brad Pattison? Really?” I wanted to jump on her and give her a kiss, but I knew she didn’t really like that (the jumping part, that is), so instead I said “Woof” and wagged my tail so hard I knocked something over.

So, a few days later, Dad got up at five in the morning (he didn’t like that), and woke me up, which I didn’t like too much either, but Dad told me it was OK because we were going to see Brad, and I could sleep in the car.

Then, finally, we got to Ottawa OK, and we went into this real strange building. It wasn’t like anywhere I’d been before, but I stayed close to Dad, because I knew if I was with him, he’d be safe. We went into a small room with loads of mirrors, so I could see me and Dad wherever I looked, which was awesome, and it had sliding doors. The doors closed, and suddenly I felt really heavy. I didn’t know what was going on, especially as a moment later I felt so light I thought I was going to drift up towards the ceiling. Then, all of a sudden, the door opened again. It was weird – everything had changed. And there were loads of people, and some dogs too! Was this where I was to meet Brad Pattison?

After we waited around for a few minutes, this guy comes into the room. I’ve never seen anyone so full of energy; it was a bit like watching one of those humans with funny painted faces and squeaky rubber noses, except he looked quite normal. Then I recognised him – Brad Pattison, my hero, the guy I’d brought my Dad to meet. He even did a handstand, which I thought was really cool.

None of the other dogs were allowed to play right then, so I lay down on the carpet next to my Dad and waited to see what was going to happen. Then Brad started talking. It was just awesome, listening to him tell all the humans about what we think and how we react, and I learned a lot about humans which I didn’t know, like how they really couldn’t smell like we can, and how they can get real frustrated, without meaning to, because they don’t quite know how to communicate with us.

Well, that’s enough typing for now, because it’s quite difficult when your paws are as big as mine. If I’m not very careful, I hit ten letters at once. But next time, I’ll tell you what happened with my friend Brad.