CFN – Editor’s note. One of our CFN contibutor’s was so struck by Kim’s story that she insisted that we publish it. Kim obliged and we first printed this in the South Stormont News.
My name is Kim, I’m originally from Casselman, and I’ve been living in Cornwall for 8 years now. I decided to write this post in my Facebook group Cancer Survivors Of Ontario one afternoon looking back on the past 10 years of my life.
So many things to be happy about. I’m packing my house up and moving in with my boyfriend of two and a half years! Newly engaged to my best friend, I could not have found a better man for me and my 11 year old daughter!
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He is patient, kind, sweet and thoughtful. He is everything I have ever wanted and more.
I’m turning 30 in a few days and I’m excited about starting a new chapter in my life!
My 20’s were full of ups and downs like many. Trying to find myself, starting and ending 2 relationships that were toxic for both my daughter and I. Friends coming and going and my battle with Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I was diagnosed with cancer when I was 21. I went through the 6 months of “abvd” treatment and the doctors were very optimistic about it all, saying this is very curable, no worries.
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Once I was done I was ready to start living a healthy life again. 6 months later, when I relapsed, they decided to give me my first transplant. I had to get ready by giving myself injections to boost my white blood cells (my mom gave me the needles). Then to sitting in a hospital bed for what seemed to be an eternity, to collect my blood cells and freeze them while I had chemotherapy to kill whatever else was in there, the bad and the good… I was hospitalized for 3-4 weeks, I couldn’t keep anything down and they had to put a feeding tube down my nose.
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In the meantime I got my cells back by IV. This whole process is supposed to jump start everything as new. But that didn’t work. After a few months I felt a lump in my neck. I thought to myself “it was still not gone after all that!!”
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So frustrated, they sent me to see a radiologist with the hopes of him treating it. With the results of the CT scan and a PET scan, that was not covered here in Ontario, the cost was 2500$, he found he couldn’t do anything for me. It was too spread out!
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My doctors decided that on my 24th birthday they would give me another transplant, but this time it would be from a donor. Ok here we go again!
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I thought to myself, meanwhile my daughter was growing way too fast into a fabulous 5 year old little girl, taking care of mommy seeing/doing things that a five year old shouldn’t have to do like visiting me in the hospital, making sure I took my pills, trying to feed me, bringing me snacks… At some point I felt like she was the mom and I was the daughter, because I was too weak to care for her on my own. My parents were always by our side, helping with Everything!!
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After this transplant I was on a high dose of prednisone, 75mg made me get puffy, I gained 65 pounds and no hair… I was miserable, dealing with this and a very toxic relationship was hard!
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I finally had the courage to leave with my daughter. We moved to a nice two bedroom apartment and it was wonderful. As I was getting my energy back and slowly getting off the steroids I started to feel like myself again. Got a job and an old car and started to feel like I was part of “normal” society again!
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I turned 25 and things were looking up at this point! I started to date again…
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Big mistake. I look back now and see I wasn’t ready… That relationship was 100% more stress then I needed at the time… Won’t go into it, too many details…
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In 2011 I was at a follow up appointment with my doctor after having a other CT scan. I knew something was up, that lump in my neck came back and was bigger than ever. I went back to see the radiologist, it was pretty much their last resort, they didn’t know what more to do for me… This whole time, all I could think of was my daughter! I’m not going anywhere, I’m her only parent, this can’t be “it” …because of all the treatment, the lymphoma had shrunk and was pretty localized, at this point it was way more doable to get the radiation…
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I had 20 days of radiation back to back except for weekends! It burned my mouth, throat, chest and armpits. Lost the bottom of my hair. It was brutal, but can’t compare it to chemo/transplants at all. Two different kind of sicknesses… There I was, lying in bed again, my now 8 year old taking care of me again… With no support from that boyfriend I was talking about, I felt better once I broke up with him… Very messy breakup. I now knew his true colours and wasn’t having any of it! My daughter and I deserved better than that!
We finally found a house to call our own! I Went back to work after taking a leave to have my radiation treatments and started a new normal!!! A year later I found out that my treatments worked! I could finally say I AM CANCER FREE! Wow! I’ve had a rough go at it but I can now try and move on from all of this!
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I met my fiancé on October 29th 2011 after only a few month of being single. We had both just gotten out of relationships, so we took our time with this. He wasn’t to meet my daughter till I was ready. That took roughly 5 months. We had deep conversations from the beginning. He asked me once if I wanted anymore kids. Well that was a first… It’s something that I was never asked before by a partner or maybe it was more like in my past relationships we both didn’t want any more so it was never an issue. I didn’t know exactly what to respond, but what I said was ” well I can’t conceive a child any longer”, see because of everything I went through, I can’t have any more children. It’s something that was hard for him to accept!
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We did stop talking for about a month at one point. But we soon discovered that there are options out there, if we do decide one day that it’s something we want. Our relationship blossomed nicely and I decided that on March break 2012 I was ready to introduce him to my daughter as my friend. He is such a caring person to my little girl! It’s like we were all meant to be from the Beginning! With lots of counselling and soul searching, I’m in a good place now. Every thing happens for a reason! Don’t ever settle for anything less than almost perfect is what I learnt. It’s not always an easy road but never give up on yourself, you and your kids are worth it!
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I’m so ready to start this new chapter in my life. Moving in a few weeks, newly engaged, turning 30, my daughter becoming a preteen… oh boy! Lol
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I’m so ready to turn the page!
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Thanks for taking the time to read my rambling thoughts and feelings!
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Kim I wish you all the best. You sure had your troubles and trying to overcome the hurdles of life. The best is to not get upset no matter what – that’s life. Stress causes cancer of all sorts and my mother suffered for 30 years and died at age 81. Mom went through cobalt radiation back in the 60’s era and cancers kept coming back but kept getting treated. Have courage. I was only 15 when mom first found out that she had breast cancer and I thought that I was going to lose her. Writing this is very painful in memory for me. All the best to you.
Kim,
You should be so very proud of how you have come through all these hardships in your young life. You deserve nothing but happiness, blue skies and excellent health. All my love to you & your daughter & your fiancee.
Kim the first thing is to have a positive outlook to get through the hurdles of life and especially to combat this horrible disease. My husband’s eldest niece in Sydney Australia was born with type 1 diabetes and then some years ago got cancer of the bones in her leg and collar bone and this girl was always positive and fights the disease. She is a legal secretary and does not drive because of her health. Be positive and you will make it. Myhusband’s nephew is now afflicted with a brain tumor and will not tell his mother because that would kill her. We lost family over the past two years. Be positive and you will make it. Your little girl brings me back many years ago when my mom was sick and having to come and stay in Ottawa and get treatments of cobalt at the Civic was a nightmare for her back then. Stay strong Kim and keep up the good fight and don’t let anything get on your nerves. Nothing is guaranteed in this life and be calm.