Is Bingo a Substitute for Sex by Jamie Gilcig – APRIL 12, 2015 #bingo #sexualsubstitute

bingo-green-dauberCFN –  She firmly grabbed the round shaft at it’s thickest point.   It warmed to her touch as it tightened and stained the sheets below as she squeezed.

Balls wafted in the air bouncing as she waited with baited breath.

Stroke by stroke, again and again until with a primal shriek she shouted, “BINGO!” and then went out for a cigarette.

Is she watching Xhamster?  Nope, she’s playing bingo and the question is whether Bingo is a substitute for millions of women across North America?

The days of smokey bingo halls have ended here in Canada and that means a change in culture.  Bingo crowds tend to be older and of course heavily attended by women.   There are some mother daughter bonding evenings; a few hubbies showing up; but for most it’s an escape from kids or grand kids, and many times spouses!

Many of the people I spoke with before writing this piece laughed heartily at the thought that Bingo was a substitute for sex.

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That Bingo daubers are phallus symbols or that shouting Bingo had an orgasmic feeling made them laugh.

But then I heard a lot of interesting comments.

Bingo even had gone digital with some halls having machines that seem to play the game for the player.

Big screens litter the halls so people can read the numbers from any angle.

Elephants, troll dolls, the rituals are endless.   You can’t say “Good Luck” without risk of a scowl and kick in the shin.  Where they sit, which numbers are on the corners of the cards they purchase.   It goes on and on.

Some men I spoke to said it also was a welcome change and gave them a night off to go and have fun with the ball and chain beloved wife out of the house.

Will Bingo evolve and change?   Will it adapt to 2015 and will it be around in 2030, and if not what will middle aged to older women do to escape?

You can post your comments below.



  1. I see bingo becoming like the online gambling sites. For bingo to survive it must move into at least the 1990’s. One of the reasons I stopped going was because the game is stuck in the 1970’s.

  2. Under the Oh!… Oh!… Ohhh!!….. sixty-nine!

  3. LOL LOL! ROLF! This sounds more like the stuff that Furtz would write about. LOL LOL. ROLF! I can’t stop laughing at this one. The only time I remember playing Bingo is in the old fashioned way and now this. No wonder so many women are there since they are not getting it at home and have a substitute. Now I am not going any further than this before the Barney Fife PD show up and throw a net over me or their plastic handcuffs. This is a funny one.

  4. For me, bingo and sex started at the same time. Can’t have one without the other. No bingo = no sex. No sex = no bingo.
    That’s the way God intended it.

  5. OH too funny ,But it doesn’t beat chocolate as a sex replacement for women. I am the only male in a staff of near 100.I hate to tell you guys ,at times we are a distant second to their favorite treat, now to incorporate it you may have a chance lol. I’m kinda like their big brother who tauntingly jokes about this with them all.

  6. Author

    Yes Chris, chocolate and red wine can go a long way 😉

  7. How did you know that I like chocolate? Someone is sneaking around my home. LOL LOL. I just had chocolate earlier. Red wine is something that I will not touch only in the cooking. I will never forget the time I worked at the Institute for the Blind and there was a wine and cheese party and I only had two very small glasses of wine and I was feeling so mighty good that I was blind and deaf. I had a blind man dial the phone for me to get my husband to pick me up since I could not see the phone and when my husband came to get me I couldn’t even hear him and his curse words. I tried to go home on foot back in those days and I would have been picked up for intoxication. LOL LOL. ROLF! Never again have I touched a drop of wine.

    Jamie please print this for everyone it is a true story that happened here in Ottawa and everyone needs a good laugh. This happened back in 1975.

  8. Jules, how do we know that you like chocolate? I think its in women’s DNA to like chocolate.

    I once had a director who kept a secret stash of chocolate. One of her managers thought it would be funny to hide it on one of the director’s stress filled days. The manager went to meetings all day and did not have to deal with a director who was not happy about her stress reliever being missing. I sent the director an anonymous note telling her what happened. Needless to say the director tore the manager a new one the next time they met.

  9. Hugger my daughter’s grade 4 teacher in a French school a little down the ways from here used to snatch chocolate from the students desks. She was a lovely lady from Navan Ontario who taught here in Ottawa. Yes it seems to be in women’s DNA. What doesn’t agree with me is wine. What a time it was that day and it was in the summer months. With all the hooting and hollering and profanity that my husband yelled at me that late afternoon I couldn’t hear nor see him. LOL LOL. ROLF! He managed to go up close to me with the car and it was on MacLeod Street at that time.

  10. Yes admin ,that and a little TLC goes a long way. But I never ,ever met a women who could do without their favorite treat .Males they can do without ,but not chocolate ,Sad really for us males we are replaceable by a plant lol.

  11. About thirty years ago I bought my sweet wife a compound miter saw for her birthday. The bedroom acrobatics were amazing! I’ve tried chocolates and wine, and even a take-out pizza, but nothing works like a decent power tool.

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