TORONTO ONTARIO – Have you ever dated somebody you imagined spending your entire life with? You know the whole nine yards- that white wedding you dreamed about since you were little with that perfect person who has the perfect hair and high paying career; an expensive car parked inside your two car garage and your heated driveway. Your two kids are running around playing with the family pet just behind your safe white, picket fence.
Congratulations! You have your whole future all planned out for you, but what if the I do’s never come?
First of all, it would be wise to stop believing that there is somebody out there for everybody. If you spend your whole life believing in soul mates, you will never give up on that ridiculous notion that there is one perfect person for everybody because guess what, they don’t exist.
Perfect does not exist; not in humans, dogs, cats, horses, buildings or technology; noting is perfect because everything has some variation of a glitch and we are no exception. So now that I’ve ripped that fantasy away, it’s time we figure out where you stand in either your current relationship or past ones.
If you are planning on getting married one day and you see yourself with the person you are currently with – you should probably find out if they feel the same way about you and can one day see themselves tying the knot. You don’t want to wake up 5-10 years into your relationship and realise that you’ve been waiting for a ring that is never going to come.
In the past few months I’ve noticed that each person on the planet Earth, has a bunch of invisible little light switches that circle around them. Each one is individually programmed to give off specific cues in different scenarios and situations.
Consider it like billboard, if you pay enough attention all those little signals and signs, they can tell you pretty much anything you want to know about a person especially when it comes to where they stand on dating. Think of it as having a caution sign permanently screwed into your spine, which is powered by an electrical current that works as a battery for your emotions to light up the AVAILABLE or UNAVAILABLE sign sticking out of your neck.
Something you may want to take into consideration about this theory however is that the words aren’t actually the most important indicator on your emotional, neck sign. It doesn’t really matter that much if you are in a relationship or not in this case.
What you want to look out for is if the sign is lit up or not. For example: if you are in a relationship with somebody the sign may say unavailable but if you’re not feeling all that emotionally attached to them or committed to the relationship, the word unavailable may never light up. If you are committed to your relationship the words will light up bright orange, no problem.
The same can be applied to people who are available. If you are single, often your sign will be bright blue almost like a calling card; I’m single, talk to me! I’m single! Hey, over here! I’m available! Then there are those people who are technically single but in their heart they are taken. In this instance, their sign wont light up until that person is emotionally available again.
I have this other theory that’s been ticking away in the works of my brain for years now, I call it Red Light-Green Light. Imagine an invisible light if you will, that hangs over your partner’s head (we all have them). This light will be one of three colors: red, green, or yellow. Think of it a like driving- when coming up to a traffic light and you see a red light you will come to a stop-like theirs a brick wall you might hit if you keep going. A yellow light will tell you just to slow down because the light is changing soon, so you will slow down. On a green light you won’t stop for anything- green light means go. So you go for it and you don’t look back until you reach your destination.
I’ll break down what the colors mean for you in a relationship: a red light flashing over a man/woman’s head means he or she doesn’t want to get married, period. You could be the best thing since sliced cheese and years can go by for the two of you with perfect ease but they still won’t ask you to marry them. Ever. You may spend years living together wondering when they will pop the question, going over all the millions of romantic ways or subtle hints they may throw your way when the time is right but that day will never come. It’s best just to rip the rug out from under your feet, when you realize you’re dating someone with a red light flashing over his or her head because it might as well be like a metaphorical stop sign on the road to forever.
In most cases when someone has a red light, there’s maybe a 5% chance (best case scenario) of getting that light to go green but I wouldn’t hold my breath. If you are dating a person like this and you want to get married one day, better to cut your losses as soon as possible and find someone who shares the same relationship goals as you. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you should break up with someone just because they may never want to get married to you. What I’m trying to say is, you should do what you feel is best for you in the long run not just the short.
Dating a red light, even for a yellow light, can often be the most frustrating relationship to either be in or to leave; since your goals may never align and that alone can often cause a great deal of conflict for the two of you. The problem with dating a red light is, often you could be dating one and not even know it until the relationship is terminated.
Despite that however, a red light can often be one of the most passionate lovers you will ever come across. They work just as hard to keep their partners and to satisfy all their needs. Most red lights will have already come to the conclusion that a small, legal piece of paper really doesn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things when it comes to love. Anybody will leave if they do not feel special or appreciated. If you are dating somebody who is a red light and you are closer to yellow than anything else, I strongly recommend that you keep your partner safe by your side.
Somebody with a green light over of their head’s means they want to get married no questions asked and are looking to settle down as soon as possible. Not all green lights can be as impulsive as others but they also aren’t known for being great at waiting around for their other half to be ready to settle down either. The more impulsive of the green lights will be looking to hitch their wagon to the next person that comes along. However that does not mean that all green lights are in a rush to settle but pay attention to the next relationship one of them enters into and see how long it takes until they start spouting lines like, – “I think I’m in love.” Or “she’s the one.” The word soul mates or perfect might even get tossed around in there once or twice.
The hardest thing about dating somebody with a green light is when the relationship comes to an end. In my experience, getting out of a relationship with a green light is always the most emotionally draining and painful. They will tell you they love you and nobody could make them happier and they might even start to build a home with you and the second it ends it’s like you never existed at all because they are already on to the next one. They are too busy looking for their own happily ever afters to waste any more time on you.
What really makes this hard is that up until that point, you will eat up their every word and feed off it like oxygen. What’s even sadder still though, is so will they. They will believe every word they say to you up until the very end of the relationship. For a little while they may even try to convince you that despite it all ending, they still meant everything they said to you. This makes you hold on longer than you should. Your heart will get dragged through a blender because a week later they will drop off the face of the planet once they have found someone new. Then maybe six months to a year down the road, some mutual friend you two once had will come along and will tell you that your ex got married to some young thing and you will realise that it was never about you at all.
Often ending a relationship with a green light can be the most confusing because you spend a lot of time questioning what went wrong in the relationship. You may spend most days after the break up questioning your final decision- maybe if you had just done something different or said something different things would have turned out differently? But you can’t spend the rest of your days wasting time on the what ifs and you know this. You could make your brain bleed with all those endless questions floating around inside of your head. An impulsive green light can also lead to failure in the marriage down the road because they don’t often pick a partner based upon suitability but convenience, which can cause for a really messy divorce later on.
A yellow light over someone’s head means they are neither for marriage nor against marriage. They might want it someday and they might not. Usually a yellow light doesn’t know what they want from the relationship and can eventually be swayed by their partner to either side of the spectrum. To tell you the truth, most days a yellow light really couldn’t care less because they don’t tend to sweat the small stuff.
Every single person has been a yellow light at one time in their lives and it is by far the most common color to be. I like to think of the yellow lights as being in the transition period. Having a yellow light means you can change your opinion on the matter of marriage and where you stand on it at any time. It’s very rare a yellow light stays yellow. If you are dating someone like this, than you probably won’t ever have to worry about your relationship goals lining up with one other’s because nine times out of ten they do anyways. When dating a yellow light something to remember is, the stronger opinion will win out in the end in almost all situations.
A relationship with a yellow light can often be the most laid back of the three colors. It won’t matter to them what color you are; they can be swayed to either side. It can also be one of the most irritating relationships to be in because with a yellow light, unless they give you their opinion on a regular basis you may never know where you stand while in the relationship or after it, if you two break up one day. The yellow lights are also known for taking things a bit slower in their relationship and that can be a problem for a green light. It can take as much time or as little time for a yellow light to change their minds and often continually switch in between the three colors, until they have settled permanently on just one.
At the end of the day, what you should always keep in mind is that your relationship’s success and survival depends on you and your partner. Where do you stand? Are you happy with how things are now or do you want something different? I also highly recommend that before you test my theory on other people, you figure out if you are a green light, red light, or a yellow light. Remember that nobody is perfect especially when it comes to matters of the heart. If you are dating somebody who treats you right and makes you feel like you belong-somebody who feels like home to you- than appreciate them and all you two have together, even if it isn’t going to last forever.
Born and raised in Toronto, E. V. Hutcheon studied journalism at St Lawrence College in Cornwall Ontario.
She currently lives in Toronto with her family, three dogs and a rabbit, near the Humber River.
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