Have we lost the ability to resolve issues with each other? Editorial by Jamie Gilcig

CFN –   Have people lost the ability to resolve issues with each other?  Has the internet inhibited our ability to deal face to face with issues we have with our friends, coworkers, and family?

Does disagreeing with someone mean they should perish or are evil?  Is the world really that black and white?

There’s the old Asian practice of “Saving Face” but nowadays more people seem to practice punching face.

So what does it come down to?  Do you communicate with others in ways that lead to resolution of issues?  Do you give and take in situations?

Does it spread to our relationships?  I look at divorce rates and it seems the younger that people are the higher the divorce rate.

Do you listen to people?   How many times do you ask someone a question and never get an answer related to the question?  I have this happen all the time!

Do you think this is connected to the lack of courtesy we seem to have nowadays?     Do you open doors or hold them for people?   Do you let people into line? When their flasher is on while driving do you let them in or zoom forward?

When in the eye of the storm do you let your emotions rule?  Do you empathize with the other party?  Do you seek “common ground” and give and take to be able to truly move forward?

You can post your comments below.

James Moak



  1. Jamie,

    Interesting that you should bring that subject up now as I do feel the timing is right. Since the internet, communication and human contact hardly exist anymore which is sad. We are living in an artificial and competitive world which seems to bring about more problems then ever before.

    In certain situations things are black and white, but unfortunetely, it’s the grey areas that can sometimes bring about discord, hatred, vengeance and even war. That is when cooler heads must prevail.

    Communicating, problem solving and mediating is part of my job (believe it or not **s**) It is almost impossible to communicate effectively on-line which is the core of many disagreements.

    Most times I feel questions are answered but because it’s not the answer we want, we tend to blame the other which again breaks effective communication. Sometimes the question doesn’t warrant an answer **s**

    Knoiw what? I am not pointing the finger at anyone or any group, but I feel it has become a world of entitlement, whereas, people think everyone owes them….not all, but many. Because of that, respect has vanished.

    As for emotions in the eye of the storm……depending on the situation, circumstances and who one is trying to communicate with, you’re darn right emotions will run high…..one would be a fool or considered a wet noodle to take verbal abuse. Mind you, letting one’s emotions run high is not always the best way to resolve issues……but sometimes it can’t be helped. As humans we all have weak points and we all err but those who can admit it are better human beings.

    It’s a sign of your own worth sometimes
    If you are hated by the right people **s**

    M. Franklin

  2. Face to face communications is a lost art. When you are physically in front of someone you can see from their body language and tone of voice how they feel. When you try to communicate on-line whether through email or facebook or as a post on this website it’s difficult to gauge how the sender intended the message to be taken. An entirely new world of misunderstanding is being developed due to (anti-) social networking.

    BTW Stella, just what does **s** mean?

  3. It would be interesting to see if there is any correlation with reduced church memberships, computer (internet & text) sales and various law changes on Sunday business hours, and increased short term relationships(common law).

    We don’t seem to have as similar concerns as a few decades ago to get us into groups. Four different school boards, more political parties than we need, hundreds of TV and radio channels even.

  4. Reg…..**s** means smile. While I am at it and being the subject is about communication, I feel I owe you an apology.

    Like you just said in your post “it is difficult to gauge how the sender intended the message to be taken” and that is exactly what happened when I read your message the other day. I misinterpreted your post.

    My sincerest apologies!!!


  5. Eric…..good point!!

    It has become a materialistic world which in turn takes away the need of human contact.

  6. Some very thoughtful questions, Jamie. But long before our communications technologies – from the quill pen to Morse code or the Internet – we humans have always had problems resolving issues haven’t we? These lay at the root of our fears, anger, disappointments, hurts, prejudices, addictions and wars. I think all we can do is try to be honest, fair and open-minded whether sitting down face to face or not.

  7. Thank you for that Stella and in that light I promise to try not to read anything extra in your posts.

  8. I agree with Stella is that communication has gone down hill and I do blame computers for that. One lady that used to work with my daughter could not stand being behind a computer all day long and not communicate with her pears. She told me that she is a people person and so nice of a lady.

    Today I got lost bringing my daughter to an eye specialist and my son had me go to the Rideau Centre first to get a bus to go to Centre-West and if you saw me today in the pouring rain and getting lost in the Market area that I never go to. While coming back a Chinese or Vietnamese lady took and put her umbrella over my head and so very kind of a gesture that you don’t see very often today. I thanked her very much for her wonderful gesture. I think that my way of getting around to that doctor was best of all instead of going all that distance. I should have listened to my instincts. That was a good gesture on the part of a complete stranger and you don’t often see this nowadays that is for sure. Computers are a help and in other ways it destroys people as people what we were made out to be in the beginning. Good article Jamie.

  9. We have a government in Ottawa and its leader that routinely bullies and smears anyone who has a different view from theirs. On the principle of Monkey see/Monkey do, how much of a factor are they in the decline of civility?

  10. You are absolutely right P.J. Robertson about the government here in Ottawa who absolutely bullies other people and will not listen to others. He is a narcistic type of an individual and must be taken out PRONTO. Nowadays we do not have a good government and for people who do not know this they are all trained under the same secret societies and they have to go along with these secret societies who train them as robots, puppets and any other name you wish to call them. They are not leaders not even the US or anywhere – they are trained under the same systems.

    I used to go on forums but I no longer go on them except for this paper. I gave up reading on SF (the rag). Jamie’s paper is the best there is in Cornwall.

    A government is supposed to listen to the people but it no longer does. The government works for the powers that be – the banksters as in gangsters which they are (these are the top banksters of the world not your little corner bankster). We lost a lot of our sovereignity and is being eroded every day.

    The computer helped erode people talking in a civil way and knowing communication. A lot of people do not know how to write and the education system is a complete failure.

  11. “Communicating, problem solving and mediating is part of my job (believe it or not **s**) “.

    You failed, Stella, miserably but not surprisingly.

    You are not hated, darling, you are pitied **returning smile**.

  12. @admin- In response to your questions-

    First of all on the point you made about asking a person a question and them not answering it, this is a very cultural response. In many cultures it is considered very rude and invasive to ask a direct and personal question. Sometimes people are uncomfortable and maybe lock up when asked something pointed. Personally, I feel hesitant about being asked questions, uncomfortable because it brings up feelings of being interrogated. I have been through that alot in my day and it brings up some very bad memories. Hence, the evasive answers.

    Another point is that even if you don’t agree with someone you can hold a civil discourse with them about it, and having stated your point then leave them to themselves. I don’t feel the need to drive a point home because every one is free to choose how they want to behave. I find people respond to what I put out. I look for the good and try to be as encouraging as possible. I honestly believe that everyone is fighting a battle and they mostly need some support and understanding. Whenever I notice some negative aspect in someone else it’s because I have that in me, and they are reflecting what I am focussing on. It’s been a really life changing way of looking at life, it has made me look for the good rather than just the bad. Good discussion points.

  13. Communicating, problem solving and mediating is part of my job (believe it or not **s**)



    Let me guess, you must work in the morgue at CCH because the only thing you would be GREAT at communicating with would be a dead corpse!!!!

  14. Yep…..believe or not…..but let me say this, trying to communicate with an idiot would be hard at the best of times……and of course they probably won’t print it because it may offend the piper who can say whatever he wants about others…….**smile**

  15. Maggie absolutely……in a psychology course there was a debate on “mirror image” where the faults or problems one found in another is the reflection of oneself. Once someone is aware of this “mirror image theory” it’s amazing how insightful it is. It helps us understand and see ourselves in a different light which in turn helps us to be more accepting of others.

  16. ROFLMAO……big smile…..let me say this: Pity me all you want man, but I wouldn’t change my life for yours anyday **smile**

  17. This is hilarious! Yes admin, judging from the comments on this thread, we’ve lost the ability.

  18. LMAO ED…..you are funny!!! Not trying to get brownie points here, but you seem to know more about communicating then most here. I did laugh out loud when I read your post LOL

    The fact remains that real communication hardly exist today. Posts can be miscontrued so easily which leads to debates that don’t resolve issues.

  19. Have people lost the ability to resolve issues with each other?

    in many ways the internet keeps us close by providing the opportunity to communicate to anyone anywhere in the world but also provides a barrier to communication through anonymity, it is communication none the less.
    i think in many ways we have lost the ability to resolve issues with each other.

    i believe we have lost the fine art of “community” and the premise that it really does take a village to raise a child, the loss of community engenders the loss of responsibility and mutual respect. but most of us don’t have time to ponder the deep underbelly of psychological scarring (although it would do us good to know we are not alone!) and why some people do the stupid and evil things they do. Unfortunately, though, we need the negative to balance the positive.

    resolving issues involves responsibility and mutual respect, something that many of us will continue to expose, it is a choice. we may not agree with each other but we do have to share the planet.

  20. Stella, I think is boils down to the fact that less is more.

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