I like to think I am gaining wisdom in my age, and sometimes I can’t help but notice that I connect better with older people, I like hearing what they have to say. I love to listen to their stories and discern for myself my own lesson. Someone once told me that you should never turn down a free lesson, as all things in life, such as lessons, are usually never free. And if you think about that, it is true, even in love.
Love is tricky, sometimes even elusive. We learn about love first from our families, what we get and what we give, and then we translate that into what eventually becomes our needs. Our need to be loved for exactly who we are. Now, the funny thing about finding true love is that we think we often think we have it, because we don’t know any better until we do find it. Kind of a conundrum if you ask me. As well, there is a HUGE difference between loving, and being in love. I love my family, I love my friends, I can honestly say that I loved the people who I’ve past said “I love you” to, but being in love is so much more. Being in love endures beyond the lust, love actually grows when you are in love, seemingly infinitely. Maybe that sounds funny, but it is true. The problems with my past relationships is that after the lust wore off, and lust can last a long while, the so-called “love” wore off too. It starts a little, maybe even a tiny bit at a time, but nonetheless, it wears off. It’s not like it is intended or planned. It’s like a fight, really…
No sane person would enter a fight if they were guaranteed to lose, and the same goes about two people entering a relationship. Two people enter a relationship with big dreams about a future together, well maybe not big dreams at first, but at the very least the potential for a future is recognized by both, and that sets the groundwork for courting. Yes, an old fashioned word, but I believe they hit it on the mark. People who have potential are “suitors” and dating someone with potential is, essentially, being courted. You can think what you like here, but in all honesty, if someone can’t be bothered to “court” you, then you should not be bothered to want to give affection. And this is a two way street. Women and men court, and in a perfect relationship, well, (as perfect as an imperfect situation can be, because we all know that there is no such thing as perfect, just imperfect perfection. What is perfect for me is very far from perfect for the next person, and there is not one thing on this Earth that 100% of people can agree on that is perfect. Argue if you must, but truly think about it.) … Anyway, what I am saying is that both the men and women court. Both parties want to court, because in the end, don’t we all want to find our soul mate?
So, back to the conundrum, we don’t know what love is until we find it. No one can tell you what it is exactly, for you, but it seems most people can recognize when it isn’t. And the other magical part is that people who are in love, true love, can recognize true love in others. Love is more than a feeling, more than the chills of excitement we get when anticipating one another. Love is a commitment, a covenant, a promise, a vow, albeit sometimes a very silent vow, but its presence is undeniable.
That saying “it is what it is” comes to mind, because nothing is closer to the truth. You either are in love, or you think you are in love. When you are in love, there are no doubts, no fears, no petty worries that eat away at the back of your brain while you are shampooing your hair in the shower. But, don’t get me wrong, falling in love is scary too. It is scary to watch yourself slowly let down your guards, and it is scary recognizing that indeed, for this person, you do want to let down your guards.
When you think you are in love, as in my past cases, you constantly think “I would be so much better if…”, “I would be so much happier if…”, whereas when you are in love, not only do those “I” thoughts not enter your mind, but your mind is happily consumed with thoughts such as “What can I do to make the other person better, happier, or stronger?”. You want to return what you feel their love gives to you. Because, in truth, when you make the person you truly love truly happy, it is the happiest feeling you can ever give yourself. You want to care for them as much as you can, because you feel that they want the exact thing for you, and it is not a chore, it is an honour to love your soul mate. Love is not resentment, love is not jealous and most of all, love is something you want to share.
Even if you barely have energy for yourself, love makes you want to dig deep to depths you didn’t know possible and rewards you with even more love. You willingly and freely want to fuel the love that the other person feels, because, in essence, it fuels your love and truly makes you feel whole. Love doesn’t leave you less than you once were, true love never takes, only gives. True love makes you more than you ever thought you could be. True love makes the best of you want to shine, and true love accepts when you don’t. True love comforts you, not with words, but with unquestionable feeling.
One of my favourite quotes, by Leonardo Da Vinci, goes~
“I awoke, only to see the rest of the World was still asleep”…
I hope as many people as possible feel the miracle of true love. We live and learn, and I guess that logic applies to love, too.