TORONTO ONTARIO – In today’s society it’s hard to maintain and keep a functioning relationship. Sometimes it may even feel like it’s easier to be alone than to be with somebody who has real potential for making your life better.
There isn’t usually one big reason to end a relationship, often there are many little factors that begin to build up until you feel like you’re about to explode; distance, a lack of time, communication and even a lack of interest in one’s life- are all common elements that can be the beginning of the end for you and your partner. If you really love your partner and you don’t want to lose them, but you are finding it hard to maintain a relationship than let me make your life a little easier, when it comes to what not to do in a relationship.
Here are ten different things you should avoid doing when dating somebody:
Number one, never tell your partner that they can not be friends with or hang out with certain people. Regardless of the situation or cause for your concern your partner should be able to make choices for themselves. If they choose to not see somebody on their own accord than that’s fine but you should never be the reason they stop seeing somebody, it will only come back to bite you in the ass later. If you are somebody who needs the control over their partner enough to do this then you should know that nine times out of ten this will be a deal breaker, we are human and most humans don’t like to be told what to do.
Number two: never lie to your partner. Even if you know the truth is only going to hurt them and you will probably get the brunt of their emotional storm, it is always better to tell the truth. Lying begins to weigh on you after awhile and keeping secrets from one another is often the start of your relationship capsizing like the Titanic.
Number three; never openly compare your current partner to an ex. Good or bad I guarantee you’re new guy or girl isn’t going to want to know about it. Even if you are over your ex, talking about them too much and comparing one another will only confuse your current partner and send them mixed signals. Think about it, do you really want them to leave you because you have convinced them that you still have feelings for your ex? Even if you don’t.
Four, never ignore them. Ignoring anyone makes you seem not only a little cold but it also shows your partner that you have a lack of care and you’re not really in it to win it. Ignoring anyone can hurt them and it’s only doubled when you have real feelings for a person especially if you can’t get their attention regardless of how hard you try. When you are with somebody that ignores you it will always feel like talking to a brick wall.
My personal favorite on this list is number five because it is the most commonly known, DON’T cheat. I doubt much needs to be said passed that because it seems pretty self-explanatory to me. However that being said, so many people ignore this major no no and do it anyways and then wonder why their partner left them?
Ladies and gentleman, you should never stay with a cheater and you should never cheat. Remember once a cheater, always a cheater. Also lying about where you are going, deleting text messages, even something so PG as kissing, all of these are considered cheating if you’re partner if you two are not in an open relationship.
Number six emotionally terrorizing your partner. You may never experience number six on this list and you may never do this to somebody that you love but there are millions of people currently being emotionally terrorized because they fell for somebody who is emotionally abusive. NEVER emotionally put down your partner. It doesn’t matter how mad they may have made you or even what they did because the second you start throwing punches both literal and figuratively, you are no better than them; in fact, you are probably much worse. This also includes manipulating certain situations in order to benefit from them.
I once dated a guy that when he got angry or upset, he would spin it around so by the end of the night I was the one crying and he was the one smiling and comforting me. I never understood this, even now I don’t but at the time it had me believing I was always the one to blame for anything and everything that went wrong in our relationship. I didn’t feel like I deserved to be happy and that for me was a very good reason to walk away.
Number seven, never be too clingy. Neither girls nor guys enjoy overly clingy people; we like to know that our partners can have their own lives while still maintaining a life with us. We don’t want to be the end all be all, in the relationship because that doesn’t constitute as a healthy relationship and will very quickly turn into a toxic one (if it isn’t already). Even if it means that a couple nights a week you two don’t speak because you are doing your own thing that’s fine, as long as you two have faith in one another and you trust each other.
Often being too clingy comes across as mistrusting your partner and any smart person knows the foundation of a good relationship is always built on trust.
Number eight- the friend factor. Always try to get along with your partner’s friends. You don’t have to like all of them but you should at least be civil with them. I know for a girl, her friends are usually her lifeline, so when her significant other and her friends are at war it makes her uneasy.
As a girl I can’t enjoy talking about my boyfriend to my best friend if she hates him and vise versa. It makes me happy to see my friends getting along with my boyfriend. If I know either one doesn’t like the other- any time the two of them have to see one another I will spend a ridiculous amount of time stressing over the interaction whether it has happened or not yet.
I can attest to this being a factor in ending a relationship because while it may not happen overnight, the choice to choose between one another will always get brought up and if you are like me, than you are choosing your friends over a boyfriend- no question asked, because a boy friend may not last forever but ten years down the road I know my friends will still be there.
Number nine, always try to understand the things that are important to your partner. It’s not always easy to do this. I understand sometimes what makes sense to one person may not make sense to another person, which is why I can consider this one somewhat of a grey area. So my advice to any of you in this situation where you don’t understand why Lord of the Rings is so important to your partner and why they are so passionate about it, try too. If you have and still don’t understand it then just support them because it will mean all the more.
Sometimes making harmless little jokes that you know they won’t find offensive can also be seen as a positive; like for example: “you have hobbit feet” even when you both know, they really don’t. However before making any jokes best to find out what will set them off and what won’t so you can avoid any future arguments about your jokes.
Number ten, was left last because it isn’t just for people in relationships but also people trying to start a new one with someone; mixed signals. Mixed signals are one of the most frustrating things to deal with. You may even spend hours obsessing over what it all meant, was this him trying to say I like you or was it a joke? It’s like picking petals off a daisy, he loves me, he loves me not. With that logic you will surely never know the real answer. If you want to know something ask, don’t beat around the bush. Sending mixed signals will only confuse that person and eventually become so frustrating they throw in the towel. Believe me, I should know because in the past I was the queen of mixed signals. I was always too shy or too scared to confess my feelings and so I lead people through hoops until we both missed our windows for opportunity.
When starting in a fresh new relationship or being in a long-term relationship, you always want to know where you stand because not knowing is always the worst and it can lead to mistrusting your partner and their intentions. You may even start to believe that they are cheating even if they are really just working late.
Like I said, relationships are hard and no two relationships will ever be the same but treating your partner with respect and remembering these ten things, can help you immensely down the road. If love and relationships were meant to be easy than they wouldn’t be as much fun when they are good and they wouldn’t make you stronger when they are bad.
Born and raised in Toronto, E. V. Hutcheon studied journalism at St Lawrence College in Cornwall Ontario.
She currently lives in Toronto with her family, three dogs and a rabbit, near the Humber River.
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